I was laying on something soft and warm, avoiding looking at the dead body of my best friend, when I heard a voice from beneath me. "Jordan McKee, get off me!" The voice sounded just like Janice, except for the smashed tone. I rolled over and looked at her. As soon as I did, I forgot about Billy and my hallucinations and everything else. "Umm, Hi Janice, I didn't see you." She looked really mad.
 

"Jordan, you idiot, look at me! You dumped my lunch all over me," Janice screamed.
 

Then I was hearing a lot of whispering and some laughter. After a few seconds, the laughter was clearly winning, but what was so funny about Billy getting killed. I was still afraid to look at him.
 

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to go get you some more?" I asked her, putting off the inevitable.
 

"No, just leave me alone."
 

"Okay, and Janice, I'm sorry I fell on you."
 

There was a hand reaching down to help me to my feet, so I took it and stood up. I expected to see Billy's body lying on the ground, but instead, he was attached to the arm that pulled me to my feet. I couldn't believe he was okay, but before I could say anything, I was distracted by the changes to the cafeteria.
 

I saw dozens of tables with kids sitting at them eating lunch and mixed in was a forest with trees and bushes and a few more animals.
 

I’ve got to act normal.
 

But it was too much. "I'm going outside to sit for a while."
 

Billy looked at me for a few seconds like he didn’t understand what I was talking about. That had to be a new feeling for him.
 

"Whatever, I’ll be out in a minute. You sure you don’t want anything?" he asked.
 

"No, I lost my appetite."
 

"Okay, but if you aren’t going to use your lunch money, can I borrow a couple of bucks?"
 

I didn’t want Billy to starve to death before dinner so I threw my lunch money at him and headed for the door. I didn't know where I was going and didn't care. I ran out of the cafeteria, trying not to look too wasted as I maneuvered around all the bushes and trees that weren’t there a minute before.
Outside, I leaned against the building, feeling how hard and real it was, and tried to get my breath back. I knew that once I had a minute to rest, the ghosts would go away, and everything would be back to normal.
 

I'm not like Aunt Karen. I'm just having a seriously rotten day.
 

It took a couple of minutes before my heart slowed down, and I started to feel better. Standing in the quad with my eyes closed, I felt better. Then I opened my eyes and looked around. I was still at school, but along with the campus I was used to, I saw a forest that blended with the real world.
 

I didn't hear Billy and didn't know he was behind me until I felt his hand hit my shoulder.
 

"Hey Jordan, feeling better?" he asked.
 

I jumped about a foot in the air. After I landed, I swallowed and tried to get my breath back.
 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Except my heart was about to explode and I felt a drop of sweat running down my back.
 

Somehow I got through the rest of lunch and the next three periods. I was afraid to walk in the halls, and I was getting some confused looks from people as I dodged around obstacles they couldn’t see.
 

I figured out a useful trick between fourth and fifth period. If I followed somebody and watched them, I'd know what I could walk through without hitting something real on the other side. The only problem came when I was tailing Pam Snyder. I didn’t want to lose her in the bushes blocking the hallway, so I was staying close when I almost flattened franki. She cut across my path as I was cutting around an oak tree that blocked the door to the girl’s restroom. Franki pushed me out of the way and went in.
 

After school, it took forever to get to the locker room because I couldn’t find anybody else heading that way. When I finally got there, my cousin Steve was waiting for me.
 

"Dude, what’s wrong with you today? I saw you skip lunch, and you’ve been acting kind of twitchy all afternoon—you okay?" Steve asked.
 

This is not good.
 

"Yeah, I was a little dizzy," I told him.
 

"I guess so."
 

I was moving as fast I could, putting my clothes in the locker and then putting on my running gear. As I tied my shoe, I wondered if Steve had noticed anything odd. If he was seeing things, then I wasn't crazy. "Hey, you notice anything strange today?"
 

"You mean strange like my cousin stumbling around like a stoner? Or strange like both of us wind sprints for the next hour if we aren't on the field before Coach gets there?"
 

"Good point—let’s go."
 

I tucked in behind Steve as we headed out to the field. If I acted normal, nobody else would notice.

​
 

​

Two hours later I knew acting normal wasn’t going to work. I needed a better plan.
 

Things started out fine. Steve and I ran out to the field and listened to Coach Winters tell us about our next track meet. I was safe for a few minutes. How could I get in trouble while I was sitting on the grass and listening? Then a fox ran through the team. I wasn't paying attention, but I'm pretty sure the fox had a saddle with a little man riding on his back. I saw him out of the corner of my eye and for a second I thought he was going to hit me. I jumped about a foot into the air from a sitting position. Nobody else saw the fox, but the whole team including Coach saw me jump. I don’t know how long Coach was staring at me because I was trying to see where the fox ran to, before I noticed how quiet it was and looked up at him. Then I glanced around and saw the whole team staring at me. I wanted to melt into the ground.
 

"As soon as Mr. McKee is ready to listen, I'll finish up so we can start moving," Coach said.
 

"Sorry Coach."
 

He gave me a look and then started talking again. I made sure to keep my eyes on him for the rest of the team meeting, even when he was standing in the middle of that tree. When he finished his inspirational speech, we all got up to run. That’s when things went bad.
 

I love track. I run long distance races, so once I get stretched out, practice is mostly running. I learned a long time ago that I'm extremely competitive and when I push too hard on people, things go wrong. That's what happened with franki. Everywhere else, I have to work hard to keep myself under control. But in a race, I can push on my opponents as hard as I want. I can run them into the ground and trample them on the way to the finish line. I don't ever have to hold back.
 

Besides, I love to run. Usually it relaxes me and gives me a lot of time to think, but not that day.
 

The first lap I barely stayed in my lane. I knew where the track was supposed to be, and most of the time, I could even see the lane marks. But it’s hard to run full speed into a tree even if you know it isn't real. That first lap I almost stopped at least ten times.
 

After that I did a little better, but I was still flinchy. I had to brace myself when I ran through something. The creek in the middle of the second turn was tough to deal with, but the animals were the worst. By the third lap, I was dealing with my hallucinations pretty well unless a deer or a rabbit crossed my lane. Once, an imaginary deer ran right through a make-believe tree.
 

I couldn’t even keep my own hallucinations straight!
 

By the fourth time around, everybody else was lapping me and Coach was pointing at his stopwatch as I ran past him. I was already trashed—my heart was pounding and I was covered in sweat. I couldn't have run any faster even if I could see where I was going.
 

But what got me in trouble was when I burst through the pine tree just before the starting line, and right in front of me was a little white horse with a bright golden horn growing out of its forehead. That's when I made a right turn toward the locker room and took off as fast as I could run.
 

I think I screamed a little bit. I didn't know where I was going, but I had to get away from that little unicorn.
 

As I ran past him, Coach yelled at me, "McKee, get back onto the track and run. We've got another half-hour before we finish."
 

I never even slowed down.
 

"Sorry Coach, but I can't. I don't feel good," I called out as I ran past him on my way to the locker room.
 

Before he could say anything else, I was gone.
 

I don't think Coach bought my excuse, but he didn't call me back.
 

I ran all the way home, but with all of the obstacles, it still took longer than usual.

​

​

 

After dinner, I was finally alone in my room and could pretend everything was normal. There was a bush growing out of the floor over by the bookcase, but if I sat at my desk and twisted my head to the right a little then everything looked normal. I sat like that for at least ten minutes before my neck hurt too bad, and I had to move.
 

My room is pretty basic—a bed, a desk, a dresser and a bookcase, but it’s mine. I have a deal with Mom and Dad, if I keep it clean, they stay out.
 

So there I was, twisted around like a hunchback, conjugating verbs in French. Yeah, everything was swell. But I felt like if I could hold it together for a few minutes, I knew I'd come up with a plan.
 

I wanted to get decent grades to keep my track eligibility and earn a letter jacket. It's okay to use something I love to get something I want. I love to run, and I wanted a letter. Sometimes, it seems like I’ve spent my entire life listening to stories about how much of a jock Dad was. He played football, basketball and baseball. He wasn't the star, but he was on all the teams. Dad tells stories. Mom tells stories. Even Gran and Gramp used to tell stories about him. The only stories they will tell about me will include words like crazy and tragic.
 

Sam was lying on the bed, scratching himself. He was the only one I felt safe talking to. But I wished there was somebody else—somebody that could talk back to me.
 

I turned in the chair to look at my bed, squinting so the bush wasn't so noticeable in the bright light.
 

Maybe I should talk to franki. She used to listen. But after all these years and all the times I've ignored her, why would she want to listen to me. Once in a while she still tries to talk to me, but it's probably just habit.​
 

It was after she got her computer that I stopped trying so hard. I used to push at everything. Back then, my grades were as good as Billy's, but everything always had to be my way. Maybe that's why she went away. Maybe if I hadn't pushed so hard all the time, she would still be my friend. And when she did come back, I didn't trust her enough to let her back in, but I couldn't go back to the way I’d been either.
 

"So Sam, Do you see that bush in the middle of the room? Great, I wish I didn’t either." I already knew he couldn't see it. In his entire life, Sam never left a bush unmarked. "Yeah I know. But I keep seeing all kinds of stuff that nobody else does. So what do you think? Should I wait and see if it goes away or should I turn myself in?"
 

All I got from Sam was a sigh.
 

"But if I was normal, would I be sitting by myself, telling my problems to a dog?"
 

Sam wagged his tail again.
 

"Yeah, but I don’t know how long I can keep this up. If I'm not careful, somebody will notice there's something wrong with me."
 

The worst part about being alone is the fear.
 

My room that had always been a refuge, suddenly felt like a prison.
 

I stood up and headed to the door, grabbing an old slobbery tennis ball on the way. "You want to play fetch?"
 

Silly question.